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That's Wade Sands right over there. Or rather, left. That's right. I mean left. Left is where he is. Not him physically, of course, but a picture of him. To the left. See it? Good.

Wade is very special. We all love Wade very much, and we hope you do too. Loving Wade really isn't an option around here, so we suggest you just accept it and yield to the numbing waves of incapacitating devotion undoubtedly hammering against the walls of your psyche at this moment. That's why Wade is holding his hammer. Don't you think that's cute? Of course you do.

None of us can hide our joy when Wade decides to add his creative ingenuity to a Moisty project. Wade enjoys writing and acting in Moisty movies, and that suits us fine. While Wade cares little for the mechanical contrabulations that seem to be fast engulfing the world in their slick, glossy tendrils, but we don't much trust things of that sort either. Do you? I didn't think so. Give in to us. Now.

When he's not pretending to be Charles Manson, wearing loud shirts, driving Italian sports cars, or dancing on the razor's edge between genius and insanity, Wade usually falls in the role of the Jack-of-all-Trades, dabbling in much and mastering very little at all. Despite recent allegations, however, his name is not Jack, and his only real trade at the moment involves selling copies of Harry Potter to irritable old ladies and their litters of drooling progeny. Please attempt to conceal your loving adulation for Wade while he is at work behind a mask of accusatory impatience, as usual.

Due to an unfortunate series of events best left hauntingly vague, Wade will not be attending UCLA in the fall, and will instead be on display at the UCI campus, where he will major in English and hopefully mature into a talented writer of exploitative cheese. Wade's plans for the future are hazy at best, but usually involve a quick snack and then right to bed.

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